It’s that time of year again, where the halls are decked and everything is happy and bright for most people, right? Or maybe, it’s that time of year where we walk a fine line between celebrating the reason for the season and putting away our own feelings of sadness and grief surrounding what we wish our holidays looked like versus what we know they will likely be.
Many people struggle with seasonal depression every year, but this year, I thought it especially important to write on this topic given all of the loss, emotional anguish and solitude that many have endured due to the events of 2020. Many dining rooms tables will be missing someone significant this year or will be missing any sense of community whatsoever due to the COVID19 pandemic. So first, I think it is important to acknowledge whatever you may be feeling this season. Know that it is ok, and in fact normal to be experiencing whatever you are feeling.
Secondly, assess yourself to make sure that you are truly ok? Are you eating normally? Have you resorted to any unhealthy habits such as drug or alcohol use to manage your emotions? How is your temperament? Are you unusually sad, down, hopeless or angry? Have the people who know you best noticed any change in these areas or in your overall demeanor? If the answer to any of these is yes, consider reaching out to a therapist or to your primary care physician to discuss what you are going through. Just as you would go to a specialist if you had recurring migraines, you should seek the services of a mental health professional without shame or fear if you are experiencing persistent sadness or negative emotions. Your mental health is key to your peace of mind and productivity, so protect it and put in the effort it takes to maintain it.
The holidays can also bring on serious bouts of grief. We often think of grief as something we experience after a loved one dies, however, I believe that we can be in grief about any real or perceived loss or absence in our lives. Before I had a family of my own, I experienced alot of grief and anxiety whenever I had to spend the holiday season without my mom or extended family. I felt like the holidays were for being with loved ones, so the thought of being alone really gave me the blues. Corona has forced so many of us to change our plans and routines this year, which has amounted to some sort of loss in all of our lives.
While the loss of life is the greatest loss that anyone can experience, many people have lost businesses, support systems that helped them function and others have put cherished plans like weddings on indefinite hold. Whatever the situation, I think that it’s important to give yourself the grace to experience your feelings. Once you’ve made it through a wave and have a moment to collect your thoughts, try to think of ways that you can create or continue a holiday legacy that brings or would bring you joy?
When we think legacy, we think of big things but it could be as simple and small as putting up a tree, gift giving or making the best meal that you can out of what you currently have. Even in times of scarcity, you can use what you have right now to create a sense of comfort and community based on the memories of more joyful times. If you can’t be together with family, why not be the person who organizes that group zoom call or FaceTime? If that special someone that is no longer here used to cook the best meals, why not see if you can comfort yourself a little by replicating one of their recipes? If you can’t schedule that important group event and your are just exhausted of waiting, brainstorm on whether you can do it without the group for now with a plan to have an even grander celebration later. In my personal journey with grief, I have learned that it is something that you live with after losing something or someone irreplaceable. I have learned to give myself the freedom to experience my feelings and then to always try to carry forward the legacy of those sweet memories in my actions going forward. Please do remember to seek help if you ever feel overwhelmed by grief, there is no shame in allowing someone to hear you out and give you a helping hand. Much love to you and thank you so much for reading. Dress, available here at the posh up, shoes by Malone Souliers, old but similar here.
Sincerely,
Munje