Are you GRIEVING Loss in 2020? Here are a few ways to cope…

It’s that time of year again, where the halls are decked and everything is happy and bright for most people, right? Or maybe, it’s that time of year where we walk a fine line between celebrating the reason for the season and putting away our own feelings of sadness and grief surrounding what we wish our holidays looked like versus what we know they will likely be.

Many people struggle with seasonal depression every year, but this year, I thought it especially important to write on this topic given all of the loss, emotional anguish and solitude that many have endured due to the events of 2020. Many dining rooms tables will be missing someone significant this year or will be missing any sense of community whatsoever due to the COVID19 pandemic. So first, I think it is important to acknowledge whatever you may be feeling this season. Know that it is ok, and in fact normal to be experiencing whatever you are feeling.

Secondly, assess yourself to make sure that you are truly ok? Are you eating normally? Have you resorted to any unhealthy habits such as drug or alcohol use to manage your emotions? How is your temperament? Are you unusually sad, down, hopeless or angry? Have the people who know you best noticed any change in these areas or in your overall demeanor? If the answer to any of these is yes, consider reaching out to a therapist or to your primary care physician to discuss what you are going through. Just as you would go to a specialist if you had recurring migraines, you should seek the services of a mental health professional without shame or fear if you are experiencing persistent sadness or negative emotions. Your mental health is key to your peace of mind and productivity, so protect it and put in the effort it takes to maintain it.

The holidays can also bring on serious bouts of grief. We often think of grief as something we experience after a loved one dies, however, I believe that we can be in grief about any real or perceived loss or absence in our lives. Before I had a family of my own, I experienced alot of grief and anxiety whenever I had to spend the holiday season without my mom or extended family. I felt like the holidays were for being with loved ones, so the thought of being alone really gave me the blues. Corona has forced so many of us to change our plans and routines this year, which has amounted to some sort of loss in all of our lives.

While the loss of life is the greatest loss that anyone can experience, many people have lost businesses, support systems that helped them function and others have put cherished plans like weddings on indefinite hold. Whatever the situation, I think that it’s important to give yourself the grace to experience your feelings. Once you’ve made it through a wave and have a moment to collect your thoughts, try to think of ways that you can create or continue a holiday legacy that brings or would bring you joy?

When we think legacy, we think of big things but it could be as simple and small as putting up a tree, gift giving or making the best meal that you can out of what you currently have. Even in times of scarcity, you can use what you have right now to create a sense of comfort and community based on the memories of more joyful times. If you can’t be together with family, why not be the person who organizes that group zoom call or FaceTime? If that special someone that is no longer here used to cook the best meals, why not see if you can comfort yourself a little by replicating one of their recipes? If you can’t schedule that important group event and your are just exhausted of waiting, brainstorm on whether you can do it without the group for now with a plan to have an even grander celebration later. In my personal journey with grief, I have learned that it is something that you live with after losing something or someone irreplaceable. I have learned to give myself the freedom to experience my feelings and then to always try to carry forward the legacy of those sweet memories in my actions going forward. Please do remember to seek help if you ever feel overwhelmed by grief, there is no shame in allowing someone to hear you out and give you a helping hand. Much love to you and thank you so much for reading. Dress, available here at the posh up, shoes by Malone Souliers, old but similar here.

Sincerely,

Munje

Work from home essentials

One of the many ways in which COVID 19 has turned our lives upside down is by forcing many of us to work from home. Ordinarily, I love telecommuting, but that’s when the kids are at daycare and I have the peace of mind to focus on my work and do two loads of laundry at the same time, lol.

This year, however, I was working from home with two toddlers hanging from my neck and my husband with his work meetings that were so loud I can hear them with the headphones on! In addition to that chaos, I changed departments and practice areas in late March to accept a promotion and more responsibilities in my role.

I recently received my performance evaluation from my supervisor and I was rated “excellent!” Looking back on how it started versus how it’s going, I believe that I both survived and thrived in my work during this period. In the beginning,
I didn’t have a plan for how I would balance everything. I was up all day bouncing between caring for the kids and doing work that didn’t require intense focus. Then after the kids were sleeping, I would work from one to four am so that I could have some quiet hours to focus on my more intense tasks like research and writing. This routine left me exhausted and with little energy to put into getting myself together before the work day started. I thought that would have little effect on my work because no one can see me anyway, right?

However, what I found is that my organization relied much more heavily on video conferencing calls and meetings to maintain face to face communication despite social distancing. My boss called me for our weekly meeting with his video on one day, and I felt so bad that I kept my video off because I looked a hot mess. I decided that day that I was going to make some adjustments so that I could rest well and get myself ready to be present for work even in this virtual setting. I chose work appropriate loungewear pieces that I could make more formal if needed, by adding a blazer and jewelry. I found that feeling like I was ready to turn that zoom camera on made me less inclined to shy away from interactions with coworkers and allowed me to be present to the maximum extent possible. I made sure to continue connecting with my coworkers by turning my camera on during staff meetings and by attending the weekly zoom “coffee breaks.” Last week, I pulled out a blazer unnecessarily in anticipation of a meeting with one of the leaders of my organization. Even though we were able to resolve everyone’s questions without the need for a video conference, there is something about being fully prepared to meet the demands of your job that gives you the confidence that you need to excel.

For this post, I am wearing the “Dubai Set” by Dzyne babe which is available in The Posh Up. While it isn’t necessary to wear a coordinate set as you can’t see your pants on video, it’s helpful for me to be ready for the whole day so that if I need to run outside for a quick errand I don’t waste additional time getting fully dressed. My blazer is old from TNL (similar here, or if you desire something a little different look here), my shoes are Rene Cavollia via Qbeescloset (follow her on Instagram for amazing deals on luxury European designers) and my earrings are by Raya Jewellry also available here.

Thanks so much for reading.

xoxo, Munje

The “LIttle” Luxuries

I’ve always known that luxury really isn’t a function of cost, but as I’ve been on this business journey with “The Posh Up,” the pieces that I’ve had the opportunity to stock have really reminded me of that. Because of the magic of branding, we’ve come to associate the word luxury with high cost. But I think it’s important to define luxury on your own terms and to know what it means and what value you believe that it brings to your life.

For me, luxuries are things, circumstances or experiences that are rare and therefore not easily replaced if lost or perhaps irreplaceable. They are unique and therefore in short supply because you can’t just find them anywhere. A luxury in terms of experience is often one that no amount of money can buy. More often than not, when you experience something that is a “luxury,” it is because God blessed you by allowing you to experience a moment or circumstance that no amount of money or effort can give you.

Some examples in my life are the last moments that I spent talking to my mom, I still remember how I lingered after we said goodbye and how conscious I was of the special love that I felt between us. Another example that I will always remember was the look in my husband’s eyes just after I gave birth to my first daughter. The blessing of a child is an obvious gift, but God just added a little extra by allowing me to catch that passing glance filled with so much emotion, I will never forget it.

While clothes can’t compare to those tender and rare life milestones, dressing up and feeling good is of if the small but significant joys of life. That joy is next level when the clothes a wearable art like this Adire PJ Set by Unknown Brand NG. “Adire” is Yoruba for “tie and dye,” or resist dying/batik techniques that are common throughout West Africa. What is especially unique about the Adire cloth found in Nigeria is that in addition to patterns created by tie and dye techniques, the artisans sometimes apply hand designs to the cloth literally making each piece a work of art. Because the cloth is designed by hand, no two pieces of Adire cloth will be identical, even if it is made by the same person. In each piece, you receive a rare design which is not the same as any other. In my mind, there are few “things” more luxurious than a one of a kind custom design. As you can tell from the pictures below, these pieces brought me so much joy. They can be styled separately but I had fun wearing them together:

Don’t forget that you can snag these pieces at 25% off using code BUYBLACK until 11:59pm on Monday 11/30. Thank you for reading.

Support System

Like most of you I spent summer 2020 in the house…with two small children, no events, no parties, not even a good brunch. To make matters worse I was nursing my youngest for most of the summer so I didn’t even drink 🙃. Even if you weren’t quarantined with toddlers, a job to do and no childcare this summer like me, this year has been challenging for a host of reasons. Although the pandemic has changed many of the ways in which we pursue entertainment, I hope that you are being intentional about finding ways to enjoy yourself and relieve stress.

And while I’m on that message ladies how y’all doing? Moms y’all alright? I want to be the type of woman that other women can look to for a positive word and emotional support because I feel like that is so needed. Women shoulder so much responsibility and stress that any extra support of encouragement that we can get goes a long way. For me, becoming a mother made me a much more vulnerable person. Probably because I feel like since having kids I’m always running around with my hair on fire, but I am much more sensitive to my circumstances and the people in my life since I became a mom. For other women, it may be that you’ve climbed the career ladder and assumed increasingly weighted responsibilities, maybe you’re caring for an elderly parent or perhaps you’re battling grief after a year filled with losses. Whatever the case, I have had strangers step in and give me helpful advice and positive encouragement that truly helped me overcome some difficult challenges. I want to be that type of stranger for other women, and I am doing it by leading with kindness and by listening more than I speak. If you have the strength, I encourage you to reach out to a woman you know and offer her some genuine words of encouragement.

Finally I know that 2020 has been hard on all the girly girls because what excuse do we even have to dress up and look nice 😩. My solution is that I no longer need one! So once again I don’t know where I’m going in this outfit but this corset jacket from Christie Brown makes me feel like I am in control! So ladies support each other like this jacket is supporting me right now 😂. Thank you for reading and take care of yourself until next time.
Jacket, sold out but similar here, Skirt old from NY&CO (similar here and here, top Zara, Earrings by Raya Jewellery from The Posh Up, Shoes Christian Louboutin (Monique Nelms of A Daily Diva has the white “hot chick” in stock neoooow). Purse by Zashadu, find similar here.

Its Our Anniversary

Well kinda. I held my first pop up a year ago yesterday and I’m in the mood to celebrate 🎉🎉🎉. FOR 24 HOURS (STARTING NOW) YOU CAN ENJOY 25% OFF YOUR ENTIRE PURCHASE USING CODE: ANNIVERSARY. Creating content for my online boutique “The Posh Up,” has definitely been a bright spot amidst the many dark moments of 2020. My love for fashion is something that started in my childhood and has never stopped. I’ve had the idea to curate an event to give more people in USA the opportunity to experience some of my favorite West African brands and on November 17, 2019, I held my first pop up shopping event “The Posh Up,” in Hyattsville, MD. I had only held my second event in Charlotte when we went into lockdown in mid-February so I started planning photo shoots as a way to market the pieces I selected, and the virtual posh up was born.

I believe that creativity brings joy. I’ll never forget the excitement I felt after finishing my first photo campaign for The Posh Up. It felt so good to make a vision into reality. I am also deeply grateful to my beautiful clients who have supported me, patronized me and pushed me past my fears in this entrepreneurship journey. I also want to thank the kind designers, artists and fashion industry experts in West Africa who gave me their advice and their support, and trusted me to showcase their work. No matter what you’ve been through thus far, my prayer is that you will still find the courage and hope to pursue the things that bring you joy. The top I am wearing is part of the super versatile Dubai Set, which can take you from date night, to vacation to casual work from home wear. You can find it here at the Posh Up, the pants are Zara (similar here) and the shoes are Christian Louboutin (sold out, but check out this new hot chick from Saks, where I purchased my pair).

Thanks for reading,

Munje

Have Fun at Home

I’ve always been a believer in the ability of an outfit to set a mood. It’s absolutely your choice whether you want to dress the way you feel or whether you choose an outfit because it puts you in a specific mood but either way, your clothes can set the tone.

I was born in NC but I now live in the DMV area, and way back when outside was open I used to go the Park on 14th on weekend nights to turn up with my cousins out on the back patio. Y’all know the vibe, afrobeats playing, drinks flowing, black people in a good mood, lol. Anyway, on one particular night I picked out a black bodycon dress with built in bra cups that had spiked studs covering the bra cups for an extra punch. My cousin was my roommate at the time so I went over to her room to ask her what she thought of the outfit. She looked me up and down and said “I think it’s too much, who do you think you are, Rihanna or somebody?” 🤣.

Well I definitely don’t think I’m Rihanna (lol) but I don’t mind standing out. I’m confident enough to wear what I like even if no one else is wearing it (in fact especially if no one else is wearing it because I really love to feel unique). So I wore the dress despite my cousin’s shade and that night was one for the books! I had so much fun, some random girl keep dancing with me all night and I’ll never forget how amazing I felt.

I say all that to say that even while we are quarantined, you can still wear things around the house or while out running your errands that make you feel lively and fun. Life is still happening, albeit from home, and the present moments are still worth enjoying to the fullest. This weekend I made my own fun lounging around in this sheer floral dress by Abuja based ready to wear brand “Unknown,” a pair of Zara shorts and accessories by Gucci (here or similar here) and Raya Jewelry. The dress and earrings are available at the virtual posh up. Thank you for reading, stay safe and don’t forget to have fun.

Sincerely,

Munje

The Posh Up Series

On November 17th 2019 I held the first of a planned series of fashion pop up events titled “The Posh Up,” at a visionary brainstorming and coworking space called Dream Village in Hyattsville, MD. We shared food, drinks and enjoyed music while guests browsed a special selection of clothing and jewelry items from some of West Africa’s coolest fashion brands. I’m so thankful to God for the provision as I curated this project and to my family and friends for the love & support.

I inherited a love of dressing well from my mother, but I really became passionate about championing African fashion brands 4 or 5 years ago after discovering so many good ones on Instagram. I’ve believed in the transformational power of the arts in Africa for a while now, and fashion is one area where I can enjoy inspiration from Africa every day if I choose. When deciding to launch The Posh Up series, I wanted to create a space for fashion girls like me who crave unique pieces from around the globe. Especially pieces that tell a story about the places that they come from.

I am popping up next on Saturday December 14 in Charlotte NC from 12-4pm at the MacFlyFresh Printing Co and clothing store, 1834 Statesville Avenue in Camp North End. Check out some of the photos from the first event and I hope to see you soon.

Munje

On the Scene Episode 1 - Part 2

We’re a little late to hit the publish button but a lot has been going on. Tune in as we discuss all the current events from Wendy Williams to whether Beyonce’s version of before I let go should play at the cookout this summer. Like, share, subscribe and/or comment to let us know what you think. Thanks for reading/viewing! XOXO

On the Scene - A Video Blog

Hello, Good Morning! After a super long absence from the blog I’m happy to be back to announce a new project with my cousin-friend Siata Swaray. We’ve decided to do a video blog discussing fashion, lifestyle, current events and anything else that may interest us along the way.  Siata and I always enjoy our time together and we hope that you will feel the same way after you join us for our first episode. Check us out and please do like, share and subscribe!